Monday, April 11, 2011

Pile up

Projects big and small are piling up. Some are started, though with short-lived enthusiasm. Many await the development of brilliant ideas. Most will require all-day, if not multi-day struggles, to move them along towards completion.

I fret, I fuss, I wonder what's wrong with me. I have a list, a long, scrawled list, but it's not helping. I've tried periods of chaining myself to the computer (i.e., sitting at the screen, typing whatever just to get something up there, knowing I can go back and fix it, wanting to get up, not getting up, finally getting up to visit the box of crackers in the kitchen; repeat).

It is a crisis of confidence: can I do all this?

It is a crisis of perfectionism: can I do all this and please myself?

It is a crisis of collaboration: can I depend on others to help me? And oh, gosh, can they depend on me?

Is it all worth doing? What about all the other things there are to do? And what about all this anxiety I feel? What about the waking up at night? And how I can't quiet my brain during yoga.

I write about it. I read what I write. A light bulb: time to cut back on the caffeine again.

Darn. I have rules about coffee. But I cheat.

1 comment:

Linda said...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Just do it.
Dive in.
TIme flies. Start now.
If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right - oops that's the perfection problem...
Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
One step forward, two steps back - oh that doesn't help at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

With the Lord begin your task, Jesus will direct it.
For his aid and counsel ask, Jesus will perfect it.
Ev'ry morn with Jesus rise, And when day is ended,
In His name then close your eyes; Be to him commended.